Recently, my brother and I had a debate regarding who should pay for his wedding, which produced some friction.
Here’s what occurred:
I’m a 32-year-old lady who has worked hard for all she has. Growing up, my parents treated my younger brother, Jake (29), as if he were special, while I had to be the responsible one.
While I worked part-time jobs to save for college and pay for my own expenses, Jake had everything given to him. My parents paid for his hobbies, his vehicle, and even assisted him with rent in his twenties.
As for me, I had to sort everything out on my own.
I try not to retain grudges because my hard work has paid off. Now that I have a solid career, a home, and funds, I feel secure.
Meanwhile, Jake is only now beginning to put his life together. He’s always been relaxed back when it comes to working hard because he’s accustomed to our parents assisting him whenever he needs it.
Jake is now getting married, and he wants a large wedding. I’m referring to a destination wedding with pricey locations, fancy outfits, and everything. It’s clear that our parents can’t afford all of this anymore, especially given how much money they’ve spent on him.
However, instead of being realistic, they are still attempting to make it happen by asking me to pay. They sat me down a few weeks ago and told me, ‘You’re doing well, and Jake deserves it.’ They want me to pay for the most of his fantasy wedding since ‘I can afford it.’
I couldn’t believe what I heard. I informed them straight out that I was not going to pay for Jake’s wedding. If Jake wants a huge wedding, he should figure out how to pay for it himself, rather than relying on me like he has always done.
My parents did not take it well. They attempted to make me feel bad by claiming that ‘family helps family’ and Jake’s wedding should be memorable. Jake’s fiancée now has high expectations, and they believe a smaller wedding would be unfair to her.
The pressure is immense. Jake hasn’t said anything explicitly, but he has made passive-aggressive statements about how’some individuals in the family’ have the ability to make this wedding happen but choose not to.
It’s annoying because, while I could contribute monetarily, why should I? I worked hard to get what I had, saving, budgeting, and making sacrifices. Jake has never done that, and now I’m expected to pay for his lavish wedding. I didn’t even have a huge wedding!
Now I’m being made to appear selfish for not assisting. My parents are virtually begging, and some of my friends remark, ‘If you can afford it, why not help them out?’ However, I can’t shake the notion that this isn’t my duty. Jake and his fiancée should plan a budget-friendly wedding rather than expecting me to be their backup plan.
